We meet again darlinngggyyyeee.... Are you here cause I bugged you to or is this a real hit to check the place out?
Once upon a time, there was a great big big dot com rush in the Silicon valley and NIIT was into all sorts of projects. They acquired 2 buildings in Okhla (I could never understand their penchant for making people travel to that pig-infested place!) And anyone who knows NIIT knows how they LOVE doing this weird rotation of people across teams / building / clients / bosses.
This is actually very good – you don’t become sworn enemies for generations with some of the controlling Gods (a.k.a bosses – one day you will know about FUFie, Goofy, Lechu, Gloatu, …) Then there was a place called F-90 which had(has) a real operational cremation ground. (I kid thee not!) There was a standing joke that you miss a deadline and that’s where you are headed. The people there were safe from ghosts and all cause hey! NIIT would have probably put them to work – you know! Anyways, all that's a separate tale.
This one is about the current setup I am in. This is a maha-fancy American MNC in name. The Indian setup is like a teenager. They become kids when the parent wants to assign any work and they become grown-ups when it suits them. They brought in people from Hughes, MBT, US ... and wanted us to be these quiet timid people who would "understand" their strange way of functioning!!!
When your reason to join a company is as ridiculous (that’s how it seems today) as saving 3 hours of commute time and taking a break from the pressure-cooker + microwave … Siachen-like conditions, you have the ability to take crap cause YOU stepped out of the comfy zone. It wasn’t easy bidding adieu to NIIT, that invisible umbilical cord + Newton’s first law + a bunch a MAD pals … but I had to move on. I still wonder why .... Moooommmmmeeeeee me misses me NIIT!!!
See this is what I meant about being an NIIT junkie, this post was planned as a reflection of the “developers” in the software development world. They are the “Suns” in our solar system. The QA people are the planets and we LP (Learning Products, Tech Pubs …. ) folks are maybe the phytoplankton on some pre-evolutionary oceanic sauce.
Ah now why am I playing down the LP angle? You naïve reader! I am doing exactly the reverse. There are so many suns, planets, and satellites, does all that really matter? Ahuhhhh… what really matters is LIFE and that starts from the phytoplankton. Wow quite deep!
The software developers - Omigosh! A really varied and diverse species if there ever was one in the corporate jungles of 2k5. They are arguably the most pampered species – they want EVERYTHING and then some more. They wanna do no maintenance work, it’s gotta be cutting edge, documentation as in FRSes, SRSes, are too menial to even earn a second look. At times I wonder if the FRS, SRS, DD, … all BELONG to the same product?! Now now they aren’t all like that. Some ACTUALLY as very doc-friendly and believe that the guide / online help is a part of the package and not redundant decoration on the gift package. These guys are sooo few and far between!
Now them blokes are all VERY degree conscious – their entire take on the world fascinates me. They expect, no make that DEMAND, the most atrocious salaries, expect perks, attention, … you see they are the demi-Gods (Dev == God?!) of our lil’ world. But, no one let them on the flip side of being Gods – it’s ALWAYS your fault!! Doc delayed, CRs raised, usability issues, memory leak issues… it was them all the way thru. Tch tch tch!!! Poor guys - and that's not a generalization. 5% of the developers are female. And most geeky females havn't heard of parlours, threading, style, ... They actually still have coconut oil and wear plaits to work! I am sounding very elitist but comm'on stay with the times gaaalls! Then there is this other extreme of the very-fashion conscious female bunch - who check you out every morning. In fact it's a ritual:
- That top would have looked better with that skirt. (Excuse me! I have Dhobi issues.)
- This lipstick is very nice. (Thanks your's isn't. So there!!!)
- Oh! you are looking nice today. (Yeah! I can do that.)
- Why do you wear glasses? (It's called MYOPIA - look it up.)
- I have put on / lost weight. (As if I care!)
- This is such a lovely kurta!! (Details are demanded - cost, place of purchase, alignment of Rahu and Moon,...)
- Have u seen this one? What is she wearing ...? (Clothes would be my guess!)
- Oooh! Thats a really old design. (Old is gold!)
But balance?! I saw a blog that captured this sentiment purrrrffffeeeecccctttlllleeee. Since I can't top that I will stop right here.
Back to engineers - they are great with money matters – DMAT, Stocks, property, marriage for initial capital, … they sicken me with their bank balance and extreme kanjoosi.
The work I do here is so simple that I can do it with one hand tied behind my back (maybe both?!) buuuuttt what jazzes up life is the way we work, rather the way we don’t work!
The product people (as in software development resulting in a useful s/w product that someone somewhere will actually pay for and it will produce results hah! someday someday …) have the HIGHEST turnover ever.
So where was I going? Yeah … the small-town (mentality) intelligent book worm with fantastic grades, ineffectual social skills, joins an MNC (here on referred to as Gorakhpuris … obviously no ill-will towards the place … but for me it’s like a generic name like Timbucktoo, Jhumri Talliyaaah…) and then meets other kindred spirits.
And to make their life interesting they meet the Tech Pubs LADIES (oh yeah! In the Product world, you find more women writers – wonder why?) who are VERY social, have great communication skills and that’s where the troubles begin. I see on TWIN this need to extreme boo-hoo-hoo about “developers not respecting TWs” what a hoot! Who wants their respect? I would rather THEY CREATE RESPECTABLE products that aren’t a display of their last itch to complicate life for some poor faceless user on the planet.
If ever aliens come to Earth, what would they think of our software products coming out of the NCR????
I respect the developers for the fact that they all SLOGGED in classes X thru XII and made it so far. But honestly, they need to get their act together. The cannot connect or communicate with the firings and that’s the reason why so many projects go back.
To compound problems some of them become managers!!!!!!! And want to tell you how to do your work - do I ever tell them that? No, but they just don't reciprocate.
Stay tuned for the post - Peter Principle meets Dilbert.
~R
