This is the first sequel to my "If you can't slap you can BLOG" post :-)
Ok people you know me - I am not a supersweet (YUCK! Even the thought disgusts me!) fake person, I am blunt and honest. I can get along with anyone I decide to, but mostly I get along with crazy HONEST people. Honesty and fairness are REALLY big with me. The fake M&Ms of NIIT make me barf! Normal is boring, psychophancy and hypocrisy suck and I can't even try my hand at those cause I am just programmed differently!
Ummm..... I like difficult people. They're far more *interesting*. They have personality, fire, drive, emotion, passions. I prefer people who have the potential to be dangerous than the sweet mild sort who pretent they would never harm a fly and then take out a dagger and slit your carotid! I like people who know what they want and how to get there without trampling all over others. They get what they want fair and square. I like people who don't mind throwing the occasional temper tantrum and who'd shrug off mine.
They're so much more palatable than the sugar, and so much more REAL. I honestly feel that people who fake the holier-then-thou-attitude are exactly that FAKES.
It's unnatural to be perfect - perfection is "oh-so-boring" and downright "impossible" anyway. I find myself intrigued by people's flaws. Its usually the imperfections that attract me. If what's on the surface is what is within then the character is far too two-dimensional for me to enjoy anyway - there has to be a deeper person. And I like complex people - call it character or whatever. The wannabe complex people are full of complexes :-)
All in all I really like difficult people. I'm glad I'm friends with so many of them ;-) GRIN GRIN GRIN! One day Poo wondered "Rags, have you realized that all your friends are crazy and bizzare?!" I answered "Yup! You too." :-)
BUUUUTTTT the lady in question is not just difficulty she is TWISTED! Her work ethics - whine about her workload, backbite to people - incidently she bitched about me to my friends on IM!! How smart is that? Prad promptly copy-pasted the interaction and we laughed it but I was revolted and aghast!
People I admire and respect professionally are good at their work and possess really vanishing traits called OWNERSHIP and ACCOUNTABILITY. Suffice to say I so far haven't seem these in the person.
It's always someone else fault - the screenshot is dithered - SnagIT is at fault, the PDF has some funny issues, the procedure is wrong, the language is dense, I didn't write it!!!! So on and on and on....
The rest of us all have it easy cause our developers are helpful, we have easier components to handle, we are lucky.... she loves whining ... hello! you are officially the one with an "engineering" degree - learn to live with the consequences :-) Traaa laa laaaaa laaaaa!!! You can't DEMAND help - that's impossible.
If she is doing a peer edit - oh man she is bloody insulting! But if it's her document, you can see that she has missed even basics. Not an issue all writers need friendly eyes to look over your work, but this one is BONKERS~
On a draft she will comment on layouts and formatting!!! Mixed up priorities ....
Back to the saga ---
So we finally reached US and had the first set of skirmishes on the choice of bedrooms. Next one comes the taking over of the common stuff which then turns to taking over MY stuff!!! Slippers, lotions, bags, ... I did give you the initial highlights but here are things in gory detail. No, there is no "limit" to this one's psycho behaviour. In this post I will tell about the yelling shows put on for my benefit - no strange as it may sound - I didn't yell. Why? You wonder - I was too revolted, disgusted, stunned, and taken aback!!! BTW she can't stand the other lady who joined with her!!!!
TW team -> kitchen politics
Both the trainers are really good people and since I had known them ever since I joined this place, we were really chummy. This lady decided aah now they are her friends too!!! She went with Seam and the guy trainer who incidently had his boyfriend along. She came back and said "They are very close like brothers." I choked on my drink!!! Then I told her about his different tastes - she was actually heartbroken!!! ;-) I honestly don't care about err....ummmm.... people's bedroom habits. But later when we were in class, in between breaks, she would wonder "R, are you SURE?"
The other trainer invited us over for kayaking - that day Ms.I hate Indian clothes decided to wear a churidaar and kurta! The previous night I got a call from M that advised us on the type of clothes to wear. I am a late riser and the lady wakes up early (one day she says "When you get a older, you sleep less!" Oh please! Sleep is so wonderful, why would I ever deny myself that?! And the way you sleep in a place where you have no responsibilities ... ummmmm.....devine!
So while I slept, femme fatal went to work. She realized that I didn't give her the message :-) Now that I think of it, I probably should have jaan boojh forgotten it and told her to go take a flying f*&^! She was always imagining people plotting against her, maybe it is a paranoia or maybe she drives people to it!
The days we decide to avoid her at lunch cause of well... wardrobe reasons....we have to sneak and hide!!!!
In office, all hell broke loose!!! She lambasted me - I said "Take 30 USD and go home and get your stuff, but just SHUT the f&*% up!" She went on and on - You wore capris, you purposely did this -- all this while till 4 hours ago she wasn't sure she wanted to go!!! But when she saw me and M getting all enthu she decided she has to come.
Net net she sulks - on our way to lake Natoma - I was putting on sunscreen - she asked for it and smeared all dark and dusky self with it!!! Very maukaterian!!!
She declared the third lady a tramp who was interested only in male company ... which true or false is really none of our business. Just see, observe, analyse, and mentally chuckle! And, excuse me, if you don't enjoy it why do you wear what you do rather what you don't?!!!
The apartment that we were in gave us vessels and all and 3 PRECIOUS plastic dabbas. Which as you might have guessed by now - were all under Her Highness's patronage. So much so - that I went to Albertson's and BOUGHT myself a dabba and a bottle.
Ahh the bottle - on our way I had taken a plastic smart bottle from the Jap steward. This was ... yeah... you guessed it ... smartly hijacked!!! While watching TV I used to sit in one place, next I find that place has her! I move to another place ... she follows!!!!
After a few days, we switched rooms. One day I realize that I am seeing her dig her teeth and gums (YUCKYYY!!!!! and that pttcchhaak pttcchhaak sound!!!) with safely pins... I have trouble keeping my dinner down. I realize that I can't find my lil dabba of pins, clips, and stuff! I went to my exRoom in her absense and HORROR it was kept there and she had USED them on her dental challenges!!!!
DISGUSTING~~ Then once the lady, Sean, and the third one decided to go to SFO. And guess what I didn't go but my backpack, my bottle, my box, my chotu stuff all went along!!!
I was so GLAD to see her go that I was okay with her attitude. At work she has this wonderful ability to con people initially but after a while people can see thru her. She has this competition with me - which regardless of whether I win or loose, I am tired of.
Have I told you about her FETISH for copying dressing styles? She has so many duplicates of my clothes!!! YUCKY! Today I went shopping, lets see how many things she adopts!!! Bleah ...
What pisses me off if the wonderful manipulating ability such people have - my boss used to think she walks on water but then how long can you hide your true self :-)
That's all for now... trust me I will be back with more :-)
Friday, July 22, 2005
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Why me? Why me? Lord! Why me ....? Part 1 of n
Shaggy said it for different reasons but he sure had the sentiment right :-) In case you think I sympathize with his pal getting a kick in the rear cause he was doing what he was , think again...
Heads up: This is a whine post! I really wanna slap a certain human who continues to piss me off and since I can't do that I am "blogging" her. The adjective bitch for her is not okay, but the verb bitching, PNPC, is what I am gonna do. The word bitch is usually used in such a context but it portrays female canines in really bad light. And I love them K9s so I won't call them females that. There are other creatures I will describe. And if they ever read this not a problem cause they know exactly what I think of them.)
Some time in the past, our team was looking for people we were on an aggressive ramp-up campaign. Aggressive as in posting an advertisement in Ascent for 10 Ls- Yeah!!! Now you know ....
This results in our getting 659 resumes! All are dumped on our website as .txt files ji ji! Imagine the fun I would have had scanning the resumes ...
Run a search "containing" FrameMaker, the RoboHelp, then ... aise karte karte narrowed the range to TalkOverPhone list. There I spoke with various specimens of humanity esp. technical writing. TW is such a huge blanket statement!!! It covers practically every gamut of the spectrum.
After a lot of searching high and low, we narrowed down the list. I still kick myself about having fought with the-then-manager to hire her. How can someone look so nice on paper and turn out to be a twisted creature?!
The story begins, after 3 telecons, 2 HR-mental tests (which are so bloody off the mark as this case proves!), the lady joins. So far so good! She is a very curious person so I figured in HOURS.
"What's this?"
"How is that?"
"What grade are you in?"
"How long have you been married?"
"Do you color your hair?"
"What are there so many Muslims in the team?"
This is all in week#1.
Her idea of sharing is very interesting - what's anyone else's, she wants/demands. What's hers is out-of-bounds!
Age is something that she uses to her advantage, yeah she is older by a decade or so. So when she is hurt, she pulls the "I am senior" angle, and then when it suits her she is on "Age doesn't matter!"
I, in a flash of moronic brilliantness, pushed her case. Tch tch! As the popular show on TV says "Aye ki kitta Kareena!"
One month passes, and I start to see the follies that abound about me. She says "Oh you are just like me!" I die on the spot but then deep DEEP breathing and a friend's kick/footsie and eye roll and WINK keeps me alive. Then continues the list of similarity "I don't have many friends - I end up fighting with them!"
Hain?! I am similar then HOW? I have a truckload of pals, awain types to I don't even bother counting!!!! I mean real REALLY wale pals.
The lady has a great love for flaunting her assets. The dress theme remains - tight, tighter, tighessssttt!
There are times, the rest of the girlgang has tried to drop hints and be totally bindaas and tell her but we all get that "Huh! They are so jealous of me!" look. Anyways, since we all dislike her and she likes people oogling, who are we to object?
It just makes the world a safer place ;-)
Some time passes and the new kids are supposed to go to the US for training - I too am sent. Horror of horror begins then - we share the same apartment!!!!!
This was her first visit to the states so I drew up a list of spices, grub, pressure cooker, tawa... you know the sort of stuff you don't get the very day you reach the US all cooked and killed after a 50 hour ordeal. Ji that's how long it takes if you go via Asia-Pac!
At this time, another let me introduce you to two more characters in this tale. A guy called Sean and a lady called Jill. Jill is an Indian blonde with the IQ of a 12 year-old who is controlled remotely by another third character who I shall rip into shreads in some other post. And she is supposedly the love interest of one of the managers ;-)
Jill booked two apartments for us - me and the lady-of-honour-in-this-post were to share one and Sean was all alone in another. Lucky bastard!
I know this post is gonna be a long one so let me do this in parts. Here on begins part 1 of n... as long as she is around she will keep at it and I will keep getting mad at her!!!
So we reached the destination - suburb of Old Sac and port of entry LA! Then we hop from LAX int'l to LA UA terminal ... no I am not turning this into a travel iteniery but painting a picture. I am on a later flight from LA to SFO. There I reach and find a sad and glum Ms Painful. She recovers her baggage and discovers that the airline ppl have not only broken open the locks on her suitcases but also damaged one! She had some tags that had stuff written in Arabic and you know how that is FLAGGED off in US!
She freaks and yells, and that's not the best way to get help in an airport! I sigh and put my people skills to use! Asking the ferocious HUGE black man politely that what can you advise? Can you get us cartons? Complete with batting my tired eyelids! He asks "She with you?!" hee hee heee
Net net she gets a swanky new Samsonite from United! And I don't even get a thanks :-)
Then the clown Sean who nearly DIED of happiness that FINALLY he is in the US - he gets complete cold feet. So me was Mary and these two were my lambs but with a lot of attitude!!!!
We finally reach Roseville and get off the cab after paying 450 USD!!!! See Delhi cabbies aren't the only thieves!!! We realize that the places are locked and our access number don't work and after talking to neighbours in the apartment complex - we realize that he are STUCK!!! One person finds the site admin and she opens our apartment! The guy is also stuck at our place ... in all this madness Madam announces that SHE MUST have the bedroom with the attached bath cause she is "used to that." As if I come from a BBY chawl where each morning ... never mind!
Before we went from India, we drew up lists of who is taking what. The lady forgot to get two main things on her list - atta and a tawa! ANd the gentleman says, my wife says US mein sab milllta hai! I am too tired to argue...
BTW I took the master bedroom, I have no probs with a non-attached-loo but the way the lady freaketh I decided I won't give in. Just like that!
So that was the beginning, next I see her using my slippers - my creams ... she says ooh I forgot to get this, I like this.... I freak ....
Then supplies that we took from here end but then starts the fun - she LOCKS the stuff she has! Imagine hiding tea leaves, sugar, PORRIDGE?! Something that I eat only under duress?!
She is quite a miser so in Albertsons - she would search out the cheapest stuff that I would refuse to even consider!! I am talking about food stuff like bread, milk, curd, veggies!
She would actually compare 3 lbs for .99c vs 5 lbs for something so that one is better. Oh! today the corn is 1$ ke 2 kal to 1$ ke 3 the so you buy it for yourself!!!
Sheesh!!! She actually takes over your stuff and anyone who knows me even an iota knows that I am very personal space conscious. I am friendly but I guess most people esp. such strange aliens can't distinguish between that and being friends!!!!
Once me and the US boss went out for lunch without the tag, the tag SULKED SULKED SULKED!!!! It was not funny. I went shopping with another friend this lady refused guess why? Cause I was planning to return by cab and then she would have had to share!!! That friend decided to drop me back, I reached the apartment, the lady GOES BALLISTIC! I knew this was your plan - you are soo secretive! I was totally taken aback and went deathly quiet and replied "You are not my mother, I don't need this. I am secretive because you are so inquisitive!"
I went to watch a movie with a friend and again there were sulks :-) Imagine planning and plotting things so secretively like teenagers with control-freak parents!!!!
She had hijacked my bags - I asked for it back. She is "arre you have two. u won't them BOTH???" Wow! Ulta kutta chor pe bhaunke!!!
I have to post this -and no I am not fibbing!!! And I have just covered 1 month of our association!
This lady is zimply great! And I would like her greatness bestowed someplace else!!!!
Heads up: This is a whine post! I really wanna slap a certain human who continues to piss me off and since I can't do that I am "blogging" her. The adjective bitch for her is not okay, but the verb bitching, PNPC, is what I am gonna do. The word bitch is usually used in such a context but it portrays female canines in really bad light. And I love them K9s so I won't call them females that. There are other creatures I will describe. And if they ever read this not a problem cause they know exactly what I think of them.)
Some time in the past, our team was looking for people we were on an aggressive ramp-up campaign. Aggressive as in posting an advertisement in Ascent for 10 Ls- Yeah!!! Now you know ....
This results in our getting 659 resumes! All are dumped on our website as .txt files ji ji! Imagine the fun I would have had scanning the resumes ...
Run a search "containing" FrameMaker, the RoboHelp, then ... aise karte karte narrowed the range to TalkOverPhone list. There I spoke with various specimens of humanity esp. technical writing. TW is such a huge blanket statement!!! It covers practically every gamut of the spectrum.
After a lot of searching high and low, we narrowed down the list. I still kick myself about having fought with the-then-manager to hire her. How can someone look so nice on paper and turn out to be a twisted creature?!
The story begins, after 3 telecons, 2 HR-mental tests (which are so bloody off the mark as this case proves!), the lady joins. So far so good! She is a very curious person so I figured in HOURS.
"What's this?"
"How is that?"
"What grade are you in?"
"How long have you been married?"
"Do you color your hair?"
"What are there so many Muslims in the team?"
This is all in week#1.
Her idea of sharing is very interesting - what's anyone else's, she wants/demands. What's hers is out-of-bounds!
Age is something that she uses to her advantage, yeah she is older by a decade or so. So when she is hurt, she pulls the "I am senior" angle, and then when it suits her she is on "Age doesn't matter!"
I, in a flash of moronic brilliantness, pushed her case. Tch tch! As the popular show on TV says "Aye ki kitta Kareena!"
One month passes, and I start to see the follies that abound about me. She says "Oh you are just like me!" I die on the spot but then deep DEEP breathing and a friend's kick/footsie and eye roll and WINK keeps me alive. Then continues the list of similarity "I don't have many friends - I end up fighting with them!"
Hain?! I am similar then HOW? I have a truckload of pals, awain types to I don't even bother counting!!!! I mean real REALLY wale pals.
The lady has a great love for flaunting her assets. The dress theme remains - tight, tighter, tighessssttt!
There are times, the rest of the girlgang has tried to drop hints and be totally bindaas and tell her but we all get that "Huh! They are so jealous of me!" look. Anyways, since we all dislike her and she likes people oogling, who are we to object?
It just makes the world a safer place ;-)
Some time passes and the new kids are supposed to go to the US for training - I too am sent. Horror of horror begins then - we share the same apartment!!!!!
This was her first visit to the states so I drew up a list of spices, grub, pressure cooker, tawa... you know the sort of stuff you don't get the very day you reach the US all cooked and killed after a 50 hour ordeal. Ji that's how long it takes if you go via Asia-Pac!
At this time, another let me introduce you to two more characters in this tale. A guy called Sean and a lady called Jill. Jill is an Indian blonde with the IQ of a 12 year-old who is controlled remotely by another third character who I shall rip into shreads in some other post. And she is supposedly the love interest of one of the managers ;-)
Jill booked two apartments for us - me and the lady-of-honour-in-this-post were to share one and Sean was all alone in another. Lucky bastard!
I know this post is gonna be a long one so let me do this in parts. Here on begins part 1 of n... as long as she is around she will keep at it and I will keep getting mad at her!!!
So we reached the destination - suburb of Old Sac and port of entry LA! Then we hop from LAX int'l to LA UA terminal ... no I am not turning this into a travel iteniery but painting a picture. I am on a later flight from LA to SFO. There I reach and find a sad and glum Ms Painful. She recovers her baggage and discovers that the airline ppl have not only broken open the locks on her suitcases but also damaged one! She had some tags that had stuff written in Arabic and you know how that is FLAGGED off in US!
She freaks and yells, and that's not the best way to get help in an airport! I sigh and put my people skills to use! Asking the ferocious HUGE black man politely that what can you advise? Can you get us cartons? Complete with batting my tired eyelids! He asks "She with you?!" hee hee heee
Net net she gets a swanky new Samsonite from United! And I don't even get a thanks :-)
Then the clown Sean who nearly DIED of happiness that FINALLY he is in the US - he gets complete cold feet. So me was Mary and these two were my lambs but with a lot of attitude!!!!
We finally reach Roseville and get off the cab after paying 450 USD!!!! See Delhi cabbies aren't the only thieves!!! We realize that the places are locked and our access number don't work and after talking to neighbours in the apartment complex - we realize that he are STUCK!!! One person finds the site admin and she opens our apartment! The guy is also stuck at our place ... in all this madness Madam announces that SHE MUST have the bedroom with the attached bath cause she is "used to that." As if I come from a BBY chawl where each morning ... never mind!
Before we went from India, we drew up lists of who is taking what. The lady forgot to get two main things on her list - atta and a tawa! ANd the gentleman says, my wife says US mein sab milllta hai! I am too tired to argue...
BTW I took the master bedroom, I have no probs with a non-attached-loo but the way the lady freaketh I decided I won't give in. Just like that!
So that was the beginning, next I see her using my slippers - my creams ... she says ooh I forgot to get this, I like this.... I freak ....
Then supplies that we took from here end but then starts the fun - she LOCKS the stuff she has! Imagine hiding tea leaves, sugar, PORRIDGE?! Something that I eat only under duress?!
She is quite a miser so in Albertsons - she would search out the cheapest stuff that I would refuse to even consider!! I am talking about food stuff like bread, milk, curd, veggies!
She would actually compare 3 lbs for .99c vs 5 lbs for something so that one is better. Oh! today the corn is 1$ ke 2 kal to 1$ ke 3 the so you buy it for yourself!!!
Sheesh!!! She actually takes over your stuff and anyone who knows me even an iota knows that I am very personal space conscious. I am friendly but I guess most people esp. such strange aliens can't distinguish between that and being friends!!!!
Once me and the US boss went out for lunch without the tag, the tag SULKED SULKED SULKED!!!! It was not funny. I went shopping with another friend this lady refused guess why? Cause I was planning to return by cab and then she would have had to share!!! That friend decided to drop me back, I reached the apartment, the lady GOES BALLISTIC! I knew this was your plan - you are soo secretive! I was totally taken aback and went deathly quiet and replied "You are not my mother, I don't need this. I am secretive because you are so inquisitive!"
I went to watch a movie with a friend and again there were sulks :-) Imagine planning and plotting things so secretively like teenagers with control-freak parents!!!!
She had hijacked my bags - I asked for it back. She is "arre you have two. u won't them BOTH???" Wow! Ulta kutta chor pe bhaunke!!!
I have to post this -and no I am not fibbing!!! And I have just covered 1 month of our association!
This lady is zimply great! And I would like her greatness bestowed someplace else!!!!
Mincing people but not words
During my stay in NIIT I had the chance of meeting many a character. In this post, I’ll try and sketch a few that are etched in my mind. All excellent people and good friends too, but perhaps a few transactions went a bit hither thither.
When I started my career, I had made friends with this girl with whom I worked closely with on many projects. She had the kind of good looks that sent many a guy running frantically to the gym to pump iron in an emergency. A very good-looking angelic sweet girl one would say. But as you got to know her, the only thing you could say she lacked was a bunch of gorgeous blonde hair! Not that she didn’t have a bunch of gorgeous black hair but just to be politically incorrect and for the sake of consistency perhaps blonde would have gone better with her intellectual prowess and maturity levels. There were many a lunch and coffee break spent in patience while the eternal whiney whined about her meek weak constitution, her ever-aching head, back, stomach, neck, knee, elbow, ear, nose, finger, toe, toenail, hair follicle, and many other cellular aches that I didn’t catch. Her tireless and persistent fusses over every mouthful of food at the lunch table would leave many with no appetite for their otherwise scrumptious home cooked meals. We longed for her to be married with a few wailing kids of her own to tell her what endless wailing and whinnying can do to people but I think we should have thought again. For soon, she added to the list not just whines about her pains and aches but also the baby’s pains and aches and in-law-out-law woes as well. One neat metamorphosis from a person in pain to a person who is a pain and a very big pain at that. Amidst all the wailing, no one can ever get in a syllable much less a word about anything at all. One pain that I think I can say I conquered with my analgesic dose of caustic sarcasm. Rags on the other hand has yet to find the medicine that might do the trick for her!!
Among the many that I met, there were many that drove me up the wall through the roof screaming across the stratosphere. The others I just observed from a safe distance. From the suave sarcastic golf gods to the dandiya-crazed laughing hyena (as Rags once put it) there are so many people I can write reams about. But I do suspect there were times when I made substantial contributions to the general bonhomie. For example, this guy I noticed walking up the staircase ahead of me one day appeared to be a tall, broad shouldered fellow with slow measured steps leading me to believe that he was probably good looking and polished as well. But when he turned around at the coffee corner and said Hi to me, he removed all doubt. The extra movement and the extra shake added up to make a contradiction on two legs. But what added to the horror and entertainment was a casual greeting blurted to my fellow teamie in vernacular. My teamie being a strong well-built booming voiced girl herself greeted this guy at the coffee machine while he was on his way to the restrooms in F-90. He didn’t reply immediately but paused later on the stairs leading downwards and onwards to the loos, turned around to return the hi as, “Vannakum”. Myself being totally oblivious to greetings in alien languages made short work of it and mapped it instead to a very American “Wanna come?” invitation. I hate to tell you this but I think on this count my red-faced choke had my team in splits for days on end. Especially since my manager at that time was a southie herself!
But let me return to others now. A few years and many projects later, I had the chance of working with this one grating presence that went “qhhweee-ing” all over the place. Made you feel you’re coming on with serious nasal congestion with an unfriendly repercussion on the voice box. A pretty windy nose I’d say he had! Actually, I could possibly extend the windy weather to his head as well. A number of transactions led me to believe that. Especially when he missed taking one screen shot that was required in the middle of an installation sequence. Since I was merely a borrowed ‘construction’ resource, as per agreement, I was not expected to take these screen shots myself making me at once a queen and a beggar. When I halted work on account of missing screen shots, this nice guy (whose course it was) stayed back overnight to retake the same for me. Next day I was given about two dozen screen shots with a proud proclamation, “I have taken ALL the screen shots!! (beaming smile) You can replace any screen shot you like.” All screen shots?? What the heck – now I scan each one of them once, twice, then a coffee break and thrice. But sure enough in the two dozen screen shots, the very one I need is missing yet again. I fetch the fellow have him scan the two dozen screen shots, once, twice and then I get a weak admission, “Qhhwee are missing a screen shot. It should be here… hmmm… let’s see… oh… I think… I was working on the other machine also you see… this screen came when I was on the other machine… qhwee will need to install it again!”
“You mean…” I say on my fast evaporating patience, “you stayed back all night installing and painstakingly taking each and every screen shot that I didn’t need and when the installation reached the dialog box whose shot I did need, you turned to work on the other machine while it did a teasing song and dance, stuck it’s tongue out at you, and then disappeared without a mouse-click or key press the moment you looked back at it again???”
I think I must have ended that with a shout because no one asked me about the unfinished module all day that day.
People in the support groups used add their fair share to the good times especially the graphics people one got to work with. Nice people really but maybe missing a tech orientation at times. This would be evident when they would struggle hard try to grapple with some technical nuance that escaped them big time resulting in some very literal depictions. I’ll attempt to describe two of my all time favorite literal graphics I came across that lent to the madness of the times. One was a recurrent element denoting an oft-used word and liberally used in almost every other frame in that course. When complete it was probably a picture of I guess a guy running for his life! In the graphic element, the top half of the poor guy’s body was cut-off waist-up leaving two trousered legs in the running posture. Now what one would wonder could running legs denote in a tech course? Well a ‘running application’ of course! And sure enough, each time the user was required to check if the server or the application was running; these two legs would appear superimposed on a rectangular box which passed as the server or a scrap of paper which passed as the application! The other all time favorite was a result of a creative use of imagination. While denoting the computing environment the graphic area of the ill-fated course was completely dominated by a healthy happy lush green banyan looking tree! A tree no less depicting our clean-green computing environment to a hapless learner! Another iteration of the same idea had tiny computers dangling from its innumerable robust branches! Well it may not have adventitious roots but sure boasted of dangling computers, CPU, monitor et all!!
But before I end this post let me also talk a bit about a certain Movement Manager here. Here’s how our first interaction with him went.
We were busy in a serious meeting when a tall lanky form stuck his head into the interrupted meeting and queried, “Who is Rags?”
After Rags boldly claimed to be Rags, while others looked suspiciously at her, he demanded, “Why aren’t you moving?” I am afraid that took all of us by surprise cause we all felt sure that Rags was really quite alive and there was absolutely no reason for her to prove to anyone and that too in the middle of a meeting that she is indeed alive and moving if not kicking. So we transferred our suspicious glares back to the interrupter for explanation. His next try was a trifle better when he demanded, “Why aren’t you moving your workstation?”
Because maybe it is too heavy but Rags came back quicker with an equally forceful, “Why?”
“Because if you don’t move people from F-90 cannot move.”
At least I, at this moment, imagined lots of unfortunate folks in F-90 struck with a debilitating paralysis of sorts because of Rag’s new found unmoving tendency was bringing the collective movement of a dynamic task force to a grinding halt thereby causing this grave situation. We were barely controlling our laughter when Rags shoved all our restraint down the drain when in a serious I-mean-it style she did a little jig in her chair and emphatically announced, “I am moving!”
It was not until then did we realize what a potent effect our movements or the lack of it was having on the release of a building because the lease had expired and NIIT didn’t want to re lease it! I could go on and on describing the hilarity generated by the move vs movement vs managing movement trip but might need the aid of avi’s to capture some of it. But all in all the Movement Manager, went on from managing movement to managing moves in the HP project only to move to greener pastures later. Somewhere in the meantime we came to call him Happy.
****************
When I started my career, I had made friends with this girl with whom I worked closely with on many projects. She had the kind of good looks that sent many a guy running frantically to the gym to pump iron in an emergency. A very good-looking angelic sweet girl one would say. But as you got to know her, the only thing you could say she lacked was a bunch of gorgeous blonde hair! Not that she didn’t have a bunch of gorgeous black hair but just to be politically incorrect and for the sake of consistency perhaps blonde would have gone better with her intellectual prowess and maturity levels. There were many a lunch and coffee break spent in patience while the eternal whiney whined about her meek weak constitution, her ever-aching head, back, stomach, neck, knee, elbow, ear, nose, finger, toe, toenail, hair follicle, and many other cellular aches that I didn’t catch. Her tireless and persistent fusses over every mouthful of food at the lunch table would leave many with no appetite for their otherwise scrumptious home cooked meals. We longed for her to be married with a few wailing kids of her own to tell her what endless wailing and whinnying can do to people but I think we should have thought again. For soon, she added to the list not just whines about her pains and aches but also the baby’s pains and aches and in-law-out-law woes as well. One neat metamorphosis from a person in pain to a person who is a pain and a very big pain at that. Amidst all the wailing, no one can ever get in a syllable much less a word about anything at all. One pain that I think I can say I conquered with my analgesic dose of caustic sarcasm. Rags on the other hand has yet to find the medicine that might do the trick for her!!
Among the many that I met, there were many that drove me up the wall through the roof screaming across the stratosphere. The others I just observed from a safe distance. From the suave sarcastic golf gods to the dandiya-crazed laughing hyena (as Rags once put it) there are so many people I can write reams about. But I do suspect there were times when I made substantial contributions to the general bonhomie. For example, this guy I noticed walking up the staircase ahead of me one day appeared to be a tall, broad shouldered fellow with slow measured steps leading me to believe that he was probably good looking and polished as well. But when he turned around at the coffee corner and said Hi to me, he removed all doubt. The extra movement and the extra shake added up to make a contradiction on two legs. But what added to the horror and entertainment was a casual greeting blurted to my fellow teamie in vernacular. My teamie being a strong well-built booming voiced girl herself greeted this guy at the coffee machine while he was on his way to the restrooms in F-90. He didn’t reply immediately but paused later on the stairs leading downwards and onwards to the loos, turned around to return the hi as, “Vannakum”. Myself being totally oblivious to greetings in alien languages made short work of it and mapped it instead to a very American “Wanna come?” invitation. I hate to tell you this but I think on this count my red-faced choke had my team in splits for days on end. Especially since my manager at that time was a southie herself!
But let me return to others now. A few years and many projects later, I had the chance of working with this one grating presence that went “qhhweee-ing” all over the place. Made you feel you’re coming on with serious nasal congestion with an unfriendly repercussion on the voice box. A pretty windy nose I’d say he had! Actually, I could possibly extend the windy weather to his head as well. A number of transactions led me to believe that. Especially when he missed taking one screen shot that was required in the middle of an installation sequence. Since I was merely a borrowed ‘construction’ resource, as per agreement, I was not expected to take these screen shots myself making me at once a queen and a beggar. When I halted work on account of missing screen shots, this nice guy (whose course it was) stayed back overnight to retake the same for me. Next day I was given about two dozen screen shots with a proud proclamation, “I have taken ALL the screen shots!! (beaming smile) You can replace any screen shot you like.” All screen shots?? What the heck – now I scan each one of them once, twice, then a coffee break and thrice. But sure enough in the two dozen screen shots, the very one I need is missing yet again. I fetch the fellow have him scan the two dozen screen shots, once, twice and then I get a weak admission, “Qhhwee are missing a screen shot. It should be here… hmmm… let’s see… oh… I think… I was working on the other machine also you see… this screen came when I was on the other machine… qhwee will need to install it again!”
“You mean…” I say on my fast evaporating patience, “you stayed back all night installing and painstakingly taking each and every screen shot that I didn’t need and when the installation reached the dialog box whose shot I did need, you turned to work on the other machine while it did a teasing song and dance, stuck it’s tongue out at you, and then disappeared without a mouse-click or key press the moment you looked back at it again???”
I think I must have ended that with a shout because no one asked me about the unfinished module all day that day.
People in the support groups used add their fair share to the good times especially the graphics people one got to work with. Nice people really but maybe missing a tech orientation at times. This would be evident when they would struggle hard try to grapple with some technical nuance that escaped them big time resulting in some very literal depictions. I’ll attempt to describe two of my all time favorite literal graphics I came across that lent to the madness of the times. One was a recurrent element denoting an oft-used word and liberally used in almost every other frame in that course. When complete it was probably a picture of I guess a guy running for his life! In the graphic element, the top half of the poor guy’s body was cut-off waist-up leaving two trousered legs in the running posture. Now what one would wonder could running legs denote in a tech course? Well a ‘running application’ of course! And sure enough, each time the user was required to check if the server or the application was running; these two legs would appear superimposed on a rectangular box which passed as the server or a scrap of paper which passed as the application! The other all time favorite was a result of a creative use of imagination. While denoting the computing environment the graphic area of the ill-fated course was completely dominated by a healthy happy lush green banyan looking tree! A tree no less depicting our clean-green computing environment to a hapless learner! Another iteration of the same idea had tiny computers dangling from its innumerable robust branches! Well it may not have adventitious roots but sure boasted of dangling computers, CPU, monitor et all!!
But before I end this post let me also talk a bit about a certain Movement Manager here. Here’s how our first interaction with him went.
We were busy in a serious meeting when a tall lanky form stuck his head into the interrupted meeting and queried, “Who is Rags?”
After Rags boldly claimed to be Rags, while others looked suspiciously at her, he demanded, “Why aren’t you moving?” I am afraid that took all of us by surprise cause we all felt sure that Rags was really quite alive and there was absolutely no reason for her to prove to anyone and that too in the middle of a meeting that she is indeed alive and moving if not kicking. So we transferred our suspicious glares back to the interrupter for explanation. His next try was a trifle better when he demanded, “Why aren’t you moving your workstation?”
Because maybe it is too heavy but Rags came back quicker with an equally forceful, “Why?”
“Because if you don’t move people from F-90 cannot move.”
At least I, at this moment, imagined lots of unfortunate folks in F-90 struck with a debilitating paralysis of sorts because of Rag’s new found unmoving tendency was bringing the collective movement of a dynamic task force to a grinding halt thereby causing this grave situation. We were barely controlling our laughter when Rags shoved all our restraint down the drain when in a serious I-mean-it style she did a little jig in her chair and emphatically announced, “I am moving!”
It was not until then did we realize what a potent effect our movements or the lack of it was having on the release of a building because the lease had expired and NIIT didn’t want to re lease it! I could go on and on describing the hilarity generated by the move vs movement vs managing movement trip but might need the aid of avi’s to capture some of it. But all in all the Movement Manager, went on from managing movement to managing moves in the HP project only to move to greener pastures later. Somewhere in the meantime we came to call him Happy.
****************
Saturday, July 02, 2005
ISO: It's SICK and Obnoxious!
Before I start the real post - first things first: Excuse me, I am NOT Racho! Next time you call me that, I shall go and edit thy post. I have admin rights, so there!! Psst - Did you do this cause your pals visiting MY blog were confusing me with another person called Rags? If yes, then it's fine. But an aside to those people - do you really think a very much loved, admired, and respected (!) project manager will come up with all this stuff? Naaah! I dislike others getting credit for my work - this started from the first project I did in STRIDE. My so called trainer got redundant after 2 months :-) Not that he was an idiot I was just made for this job. That's all - no vanity or lack of modesty - just a "purrrfect fit." Danke, now onwards ho ....
Happy says "I have decided that every time I read one of Ash's posts, I am inspired to write. " khee kheeeee kheeeeeee!!! How Annu Mallikish. Ash needs some thoughts usually from my mad banter to kick her thoughts off.... puts so much pressure on good ole moi! But it's okay, since I am the creative evil master genius!!!
ISO is not sick - the way we did rather screwed it was SICK!
Back to the SEI CMM and stuff - Happy prescribes his way of getting all crap to work to his advantage and how you can get management on the backfoot! Even bad publicity is publicity ... excuse me that's not how we (no I'll drop the royal we) ... correction I think .... do what you say WHEN you say it will be done. Doing things for the sake of doing them always and I MEAN ALWAYS gets me mad. A doc. being fudged 6 MONTHs after it should have been is a farce.
Instructional strategies - my foot! Happy dear, in all of NETg and in fact all of KSB we dredged some ancient relics and put on them some make up and got them to wear their dancing shoes and went to the homecoming ball!!! TIs creation - hah! your products and NETg background is showing .... The only SANE project that I got to do for KSB (then LTB) was CA - we were trained and had to clear external certification before we could work on that one. KK was SERIOUS abt this - but was LTB serious? Getting saving-a-hard-night's-work-on-a-CD-while-playing-online-chess on that project? Kash as an editor - who marked EVERY instance of Abrowser after being told that it's a product name?! It was on the darned wordlist too!!
FUFs on HP and Sun?! Who won't recognize a sun cluster even if it BIT her?! Who asked Mr.Undependable to create a web page which BOMBED cause its text fields accepted special characters and screwed the backend database. And all she had to do was pick up the phone and ask one of the SSB benchers to do it, who would have been happy to do so, and have done a BETTER job! Finally after the fiasco I called SSB and spoke with a biggie and got it all done. Of course I had to keep her in the loop and all that crapola, but who was the boss? Who should think all ALL sides to any action? She and most of the PMs were LIVING in quadrant 1, and when then SHOULD have been planning and stuff, they were doing something else. A PROJECT kick-off MOM 6 months down the line is akin to asking the parents of a 5 year old child for their wedding menu! How does it matter anymore?
What ID strategies are we talking about in CBTs / WBTs? Where the client defined template controls what you can / cannot do? MCLA, ILT - thats where you RUN with the content SME or no SME. You talk about CBT TIs? We were bidding for Sun SAN certifications!!!
Maintaining files is okay since we are anyways such over-documented people and a documentation profession at that. But what about the DARNED PM's responsibility? When you are brought in to salvage a NIIT-just-might-have-to-lose-a-client-or-(gasp!)-pay-a-penalty_level-of-dead project? And guess what 2 years SAME manager?! If I can see it, how come them bosses couldn't?
How can you justify the saving-a-hard-night's-work-on-a-CD genius? The sari-clad-benevolent-autocrat, also called iron-curtain-manager by an exchum?!
See now after so many years and after seeing some supremely asinine software industry managers who make even Dilbert's manager seem like sane rational beings... who are living proof of the validity of Peter's Principle, I know NIIT wasn't all that bad. WHY? Cause we were a cookie cutter model. It WAS a factory - we WERE doing production line work. So if few pieces were defective, we would hastily blotch up things and make it look pretty and no one was the wiser.
I am not talking about the ISO audit - you saw the HP project salvage so you know what I mean. You spent a LOT of time on these dead-as-a-doornail OPG projects so maybe you found HP another of the same sort. FUFs is still with the same bunch of femme fatales just their collective domain name has changed.
Somewhere I read about passion for one's work - it doesn't take too long for passion to turn to frustration, irritation, ....
And BTW "Attack is the best form of defense." on a playing field, so why do most managers take it as extreme insubordination when asked pointed questions? You are paid to resolve issues. You know you and a lot of people wonder why I dropped out of the managing people game? I will tell you why - u need to answer to such ignoramuses that it's a strain. They have their restrictions in terms of company policies, budgets, and all that BUT the biggest limitations are a lack of real interest, BRAINS, common sense, and that f-all need to bloody do PR all the time.
Look back and you will see the truth. You won't recognize it cause you too were playing the same game. Ash and I lost out cause our personal code of madness forbade us to do that. We foolishly expected our bosses to be on our side.
I have not had as bad a deal as Ash cause I didn't work with her namesake - I worked with adorable people - Nanz was the TOPPEST of the pile. Or maybe I don't feel as bad about them things ... my sunny disposition and all that jazz....
Sun gave me pain but Sun also gave me a great deal of good stuff and the PM had NOTHING to do with it. The lady FH had to intervene in all of FUF's projects. Maybe that was a part of the plan - she gave her boss a chance to shine so both were happy.
Even Pappu was sincere and painfully honest in his work. He had another set of issues but then who doesn't?! He was in an R&D setup, FUFs and co. were in the so-called-revenue-earing-factories. BIG difference.
The managers in there always could make the problem come from outside - they all had aced the "not invented here" bullshitting technique. Now I can take on any of them people. I hope I never have to. Ash and Bang might - since she is bored with the product world and is missing the constant upward surges of BP!!! And he is homeward-bound-yet-again!!!
Sorry Happy if this ended up a bash-up-the-messenger session. But I can go on and on and on ... Amaron!!! And yes, you were on of the better if not the best person to work with on HP salvage.
I can work with any damn idiot on the planet but I won't ever pretend to like them - they have to live with it. I am bearing that cross of being defient and a rebel - but thats my choice. AND as a manager and esp. my manager or supervisor, I expect to at least be able to like you as a professional, respect you, and maybe look up to you for solutions WHEN I run into trouble. To be treated fairly. And if you can't do it, let the TLs do their job, don't try to fib in SMRs.
Those who can't audit!
Hee heee heee, in your case, PM or not, we all HAD to look up physically!
Bye for now,
More later.
Happy says "I have decided that every time I read one of Ash's posts, I am inspired to write. " khee kheeeee kheeeeeee!!! How Annu Mallikish. Ash needs some thoughts usually from my mad banter to kick her thoughts off.... puts so much pressure on good ole moi! But it's okay, since I am the creative evil master genius!!!
ISO is not sick - the way we did rather screwed it was SICK!
Back to the SEI CMM and stuff - Happy prescribes his way of getting all crap to work to his advantage and how you can get management on the backfoot! Even bad publicity is publicity ... excuse me that's not how we (no I'll drop the royal we) ... correction I think .... do what you say WHEN you say it will be done. Doing things for the sake of doing them always and I MEAN ALWAYS gets me mad. A doc. being fudged 6 MONTHs after it should have been is a farce.
Instructional strategies - my foot! Happy dear, in all of NETg and in fact all of KSB we dredged some ancient relics and put on them some make up and got them to wear their dancing shoes and went to the homecoming ball!!! TIs creation - hah! your products and NETg background is showing .... The only SANE project that I got to do for KSB (then LTB) was CA - we were trained and had to clear external certification before we could work on that one. KK was SERIOUS abt this - but was LTB serious? Getting saving-a-hard-night's-work-on-a-CD-while-playing-online-chess on that project? Kash as an editor - who marked EVERY instance of Abrowser after being told that it's a product name?! It was on the darned wordlist too!!
FUFs on HP and Sun?! Who won't recognize a sun cluster even if it BIT her?! Who asked Mr.Undependable to create a web page which BOMBED cause its text fields accepted special characters and screwed the backend database. And all she had to do was pick up the phone and ask one of the SSB benchers to do it, who would have been happy to do so, and have done a BETTER job! Finally after the fiasco I called SSB and spoke with a biggie and got it all done. Of course I had to keep her in the loop and all that crapola, but who was the boss? Who should think all ALL sides to any action? She and most of the PMs were LIVING in quadrant 1, and when then SHOULD have been planning and stuff, they were doing something else. A PROJECT kick-off MOM 6 months down the line is akin to asking the parents of a 5 year old child for their wedding menu! How does it matter anymore?
What ID strategies are we talking about in CBTs / WBTs? Where the client defined template controls what you can / cannot do? MCLA, ILT - thats where you RUN with the content SME or no SME. You talk about CBT TIs? We were bidding for Sun SAN certifications!!!
Maintaining files is okay since we are anyways such over-documented people and a documentation profession at that. But what about the DARNED PM's responsibility? When you are brought in to salvage a NIIT-just-might-have-to-lose-a-client-or-(gasp!)-pay-a-penalty_level-of-dead project? And guess what 2 years SAME manager?! If I can see it, how come them bosses couldn't?
How can you justify the saving-a-hard-night's-work-on-a-CD genius? The sari-clad-benevolent-autocrat, also called iron-curtain-manager by an exchum?!
See now after so many years and after seeing some supremely asinine software industry managers who make even Dilbert's manager seem like sane rational beings... who are living proof of the validity of Peter's Principle, I know NIIT wasn't all that bad. WHY? Cause we were a cookie cutter model. It WAS a factory - we WERE doing production line work. So if few pieces were defective, we would hastily blotch up things and make it look pretty and no one was the wiser.
I am not talking about the ISO audit - you saw the HP project salvage so you know what I mean. You spent a LOT of time on these dead-as-a-doornail OPG projects so maybe you found HP another of the same sort. FUFs is still with the same bunch of femme fatales just their collective domain name has changed.
Somewhere I read about passion for one's work - it doesn't take too long for passion to turn to frustration, irritation, ....
And BTW "Attack is the best form of defense." on a playing field, so why do most managers take it as extreme insubordination when asked pointed questions? You are paid to resolve issues. You know you and a lot of people wonder why I dropped out of the managing people game? I will tell you why - u need to answer to such ignoramuses that it's a strain. They have their restrictions in terms of company policies, budgets, and all that BUT the biggest limitations are a lack of real interest, BRAINS, common sense, and that f-all need to bloody do PR all the time.
Look back and you will see the truth. You won't recognize it cause you too were playing the same game. Ash and I lost out cause our personal code of madness forbade us to do that. We foolishly expected our bosses to be on our side.
I have not had as bad a deal as Ash cause I didn't work with her namesake - I worked with adorable people - Nanz was the TOPPEST of the pile. Or maybe I don't feel as bad about them things ... my sunny disposition and all that jazz....
Sun gave me pain but Sun also gave me a great deal of good stuff and the PM had NOTHING to do with it. The lady FH had to intervene in all of FUF's projects. Maybe that was a part of the plan - she gave her boss a chance to shine so both were happy.
Even Pappu was sincere and painfully honest in his work. He had another set of issues but then who doesn't?! He was in an R&D setup, FUFs and co. were in the so-called-revenue-earing-factories. BIG difference.
The managers in there always could make the problem come from outside - they all had aced the "not invented here" bullshitting technique. Now I can take on any of them people. I hope I never have to. Ash and Bang might - since she is bored with the product world and is missing the constant upward surges of BP!!! And he is homeward-bound-yet-again!!!
Sorry Happy if this ended up a bash-up-the-messenger session. But I can go on and on and on ... Amaron!!! And yes, you were on of the better if not the best person to work with on HP salvage.
I can work with any damn idiot on the planet but I won't ever pretend to like them - they have to live with it. I am bearing that cross of being defient and a rebel - but thats my choice. AND as a manager and esp. my manager or supervisor, I expect to at least be able to like you as a professional, respect you, and maybe look up to you for solutions WHEN I run into trouble. To be treated fairly. And if you can't do it, let the TLs do their job, don't try to fib in SMRs.
Those who can't audit!
Hee heee heee, in your case, PM or not, we all HAD to look up physically!
Bye for now,
More later.
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