Shaggy said it for different reasons but he sure had the sentiment right :-) In case you think I sympathize with his pal getting a kick in the rear cause he was doing what he was , think again...
Heads up: This is a whine post! I really wanna slap a certain human who continues to piss me off and since I can't do that I am "blogging" her. The adjective bitch for her is not okay, but the verb bitching, PNPC, is what I am gonna do. The word bitch is usually used in such a context but it portrays female canines in really bad light. And I love them K9s so I won't call them females that. There are other creatures I will describe. And if they ever read this not a problem cause they know exactly what I think of them.)
Some time in the past, our team was looking for people we were on an aggressive ramp-up campaign. Aggressive as in posting an advertisement in Ascent for 10 Ls- Yeah!!! Now you know ....
This results in our getting 659 resumes! All are dumped on our website as .txt files ji ji! Imagine the fun I would have had scanning the resumes ...
Run a search "containing" FrameMaker, the RoboHelp, then ... aise karte karte narrowed the range to TalkOverPhone list. There I spoke with various specimens of humanity esp. technical writing. TW is such a huge blanket statement!!! It covers practically every gamut of the spectrum.
After a lot of searching high and low, we narrowed down the list. I still kick myself about having fought with the-then-manager to hire her. How can someone look so nice on paper and turn out to be a twisted creature?!
The story begins, after 3 telecons, 2 HR-mental tests (which are so bloody off the mark as this case proves!), the lady joins. So far so good! She is a very curious person so I figured in HOURS.
"What's this?"
"How is that?"
"What grade are you in?"
"How long have you been married?"
"Do you color your hair?"
"What are there so many Muslims in the team?"
This is all in week#1.
Her idea of sharing is very interesting - what's anyone else's, she wants/demands. What's hers is out-of-bounds!
Age is something that she uses to her advantage, yeah she is older by a decade or so. So when she is hurt, she pulls the "I am senior" angle, and then when it suits her she is on "Age doesn't matter!"
I, in a flash of moronic brilliantness, pushed her case. Tch tch! As the popular show on TV says "Aye ki kitta Kareena!"
One month passes, and I start to see the follies that abound about me. She says "Oh you are just like me!" I die on the spot but then deep DEEP breathing and a friend's kick/footsie and eye roll and WINK keeps me alive. Then continues the list of similarity "I don't have many friends - I end up fighting with them!"
Hain?! I am similar then HOW? I have a truckload of pals, awain types to I don't even bother counting!!!! I mean real REALLY wale pals.
The lady has a great love for flaunting her assets. The dress theme remains - tight, tighter, tighessssttt!
There are times, the rest of the girlgang has tried to drop hints and be totally bindaas and tell her but we all get that "Huh! They are so jealous of me!" look. Anyways, since we all dislike her and she likes people oogling, who are we to object?
It just makes the world a safer place ;-)
Some time passes and the new kids are supposed to go to the US for training - I too am sent. Horror of horror begins then - we share the same apartment!!!!!
This was her first visit to the states so I drew up a list of spices, grub, pressure cooker, tawa... you know the sort of stuff you don't get the very day you reach the US all cooked and killed after a 50 hour ordeal. Ji that's how long it takes if you go via Asia-Pac!
At this time, another let me introduce you to two more characters in this tale. A guy called Sean and a lady called Jill. Jill is an Indian blonde with the IQ of a 12 year-old who is controlled remotely by another third character who I shall rip into shreads in some other post. And she is supposedly the love interest of one of the managers ;-)
Jill booked two apartments for us - me and the lady-of-honour-in-this-post were to share one and Sean was all alone in another. Lucky bastard!
I know this post is gonna be a long one so let me do this in parts. Here on begins part 1 of n... as long as she is around she will keep at it and I will keep getting mad at her!!!
So we reached the destination - suburb of Old Sac and port of entry LA! Then we hop from LAX int'l to LA UA terminal ... no I am not turning this into a travel iteniery but painting a picture. I am on a later flight from LA to SFO. There I reach and find a sad and glum Ms Painful. She recovers her baggage and discovers that the airline ppl have not only broken open the locks on her suitcases but also damaged one! She had some tags that had stuff written in Arabic and you know how that is FLAGGED off in US!
She freaks and yells, and that's not the best way to get help in an airport! I sigh and put my people skills to use! Asking the ferocious HUGE black man politely that what can you advise? Can you get us cartons? Complete with batting my tired eyelids! He asks "She with you?!" hee hee heee
Net net she gets a swanky new Samsonite from United! And I don't even get a thanks :-)
Then the clown Sean who nearly DIED of happiness that FINALLY he is in the US - he gets complete cold feet. So me was Mary and these two were my lambs but with a lot of attitude!!!!
We finally reach Roseville and get off the cab after paying 450 USD!!!! See Delhi cabbies aren't the only thieves!!! We realize that the places are locked and our access number don't work and after talking to neighbours in the apartment complex - we realize that he are STUCK!!! One person finds the site admin and she opens our apartment! The guy is also stuck at our place ... in all this madness Madam announces that SHE MUST have the bedroom with the attached bath cause she is "used to that." As if I come from a BBY chawl where each morning ... never mind!
Before we went from India, we drew up lists of who is taking what. The lady forgot to get two main things on her list - atta and a tawa! ANd the gentleman says, my wife says US mein sab milllta hai! I am too tired to argue...
BTW I took the master bedroom, I have no probs with a non-attached-loo but the way the lady freaketh I decided I won't give in. Just like that!
So that was the beginning, next I see her using my slippers - my creams ... she says ooh I forgot to get this, I like this.... I freak ....
Then supplies that we took from here end but then starts the fun - she LOCKS the stuff she has! Imagine hiding tea leaves, sugar, PORRIDGE?! Something that I eat only under duress?!
She is quite a miser so in Albertsons - she would search out the cheapest stuff that I would refuse to even consider!! I am talking about food stuff like bread, milk, curd, veggies!
She would actually compare 3 lbs for .99c vs 5 lbs for something so that one is better. Oh! today the corn is 1$ ke 2 kal to 1$ ke 3 the so you buy it for yourself!!!
Sheesh!!! She actually takes over your stuff and anyone who knows me even an iota knows that I am very personal space conscious. I am friendly but I guess most people esp. such strange aliens can't distinguish between that and being friends!!!!
Once me and the US boss went out for lunch without the tag, the tag SULKED SULKED SULKED!!!! It was not funny. I went shopping with another friend this lady refused guess why? Cause I was planning to return by cab and then she would have had to share!!! That friend decided to drop me back, I reached the apartment, the lady GOES BALLISTIC! I knew this was your plan - you are soo secretive! I was totally taken aback and went deathly quiet and replied "You are not my mother, I don't need this. I am secretive because you are so inquisitive!"
I went to watch a movie with a friend and again there were sulks :-) Imagine planning and plotting things so secretively like teenagers with control-freak parents!!!!
She had hijacked my bags - I asked for it back. She is "arre you have two. u won't them BOTH???" Wow! Ulta kutta chor pe bhaunke!!!
I have to post this -and no I am not fibbing!!! And I have just covered 1 month of our association!
This lady is zimply great! And I would like her greatness bestowed someplace else!!!!
